Signs of freezing are a good thing to look for when you want to escalate with a woman. If a woman freezes up when you touch her (while avoiding eye contact) then it’s a sign she’s not yet ready to go any further. At times like this it’s a good idea to step back and engage in some playful banter. Once she feels more comfortable with you, try again.
For example, a girl might mirror your body language. If you all of the sudden cross your arms, she will too. If you take a drink of your water at dinner, she does right after. If you look across the room away from her, she’ll turn her head and look at what you’re looking at.
Unless we are desperate, beyond horny or just downright bored, we women won’t make it easy for you to catch us. It’s bad enough that men think wooing women is completely pointless so whether we are at a coffee shop, the library, a soccer game or at a bar, we like to know that you’re paying attention and making the effort to take note of our signals and cues.
“What we do in class is push you to your extremes,” she explains. Her goal is to help people experiment with a range of behavioral styles, from the most dominant to the most deferential. (Just as important as learning how to play high is recognizing when to play low, by tempering displays of authority with self-deprecation and humor.) Once my body has mastered the full range of nonverbal language, she says, I will automatically approach situations with a flexible mix of confidence and humility.
When she’s touching you, think about why she’s doing it. If there’s no real reason other than attraction, escalate that touch. Start with something small like touching her hands, arms or upper back and see where it goes from there.
Many of these are actually examples of a woman enjoying being in the place that she is in and has absolutely nothing to do with flirting. I have long hair and run my hands through it or toss it out of my face because it bothers me, not because I am trying to attract a mate. Also, if the music is good I am compelled to move (again not to attract a mate). I may scan the room to see how others are doing– I’m a bit of a people watcher and also like community experiences. I hope this misinformation doesn’t cause more men to think we are interested in them when we are not! I am very obvious when I like a man. I am not shy.
Usually the person who looks away first is the more submissive or passive of the two. That is so long as it is done by looking down rather than left or right. Downcast eyes tell men that a woman is prepared or willing to submit to him. When women do it in a dating context, it signals interest because unlike eyes that move left and right – scanning, eyes down punctuations the eye contact to a specific person. In extreme cases eyes might be fixated on the ground. This shows full submission and possibly a desire to be left alone. Here, watch for double takes, a look up, followed by eyes down, coupled with associated cues such as grooming the hair or a smile. Eyes down coupled with grooming, torso and toes toward, indicates that a girl is shy, rather than in the process of rejecting.
If you’ve ever watched the TV series Lie To Me (based on Dr Paul Ekman’s studies), you know that body language is a science. However, while the TV show’s main character knows how to read micro expression in the face, you don’t have to take it that far to understand how a person is feeling. There are many much more easily clues in people’s body language.
Excellent post! I was just thinking about this topic the other day. The framework you provided was exactly what I needed to share with some friends who needed help understanding and upgrading their game.
Adam became so inundated with requests for his coaching that the waiting list grew to over a year. So he shot a collection of videos using models to show exactly what he does and how he does it and put it all together in the course called “Kinetic Attraction.” The intro video to Adam’s course is what you’ll be seeing when you click the image above.
What a woman does with her hair is also another very important non-verbal communication that you need to learn to pay attention to. You see, from an evolutionary standpoint, a nice, shiny head of hair is a sign of good health, that we men are evolutionarily programmed to find attractive. So when a woman feels attracted to a man she will often start playing with her hair, twisting it around her finger or combing her hand through it, and more often than not she won’t even know she’s doing it.
It can be difficult at times to discern if a woman really likes you or not. Is she actually attracted to you, or is she just being polite? Most single men would like to find out before they make a fool of themselves. One of the best ways to determine this is through the body language of women.
The results of their observations showed some significant behavioral differences between women who were approached and those who were not. Particularly, women who were approached often smiled at men, danced by themselves, nodded at men, leaned toward them, or tilted their head (neck presentation) — while women who did not get approached performed none of those behaviors. Further, women who were approached were more likely to also look around the room, flip their hair, toss their head, and fixate their glance on a specific man.
Stop believing you need some obvious sign of approval or else you’ll miss out on many opportunities. Most women know if they’re attracted to you within five minutes. Yet the majority won’t start flirting until you do. They’ll wait for you to take the lead.
Clearly would not work because other women do not do them and they are not on TV. Or maybe they do work and other women would just call you a tramp. Either way, always make him work for you. Never let him think he is an equal.
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The first study I reviewed came from Moore (1985), who performed an observational study of women flirting in bars and on a college campus. Specifically, Moore had two trained observers covertly watch more than 200 single women in those locations for about 30 minutes each, and record the women’s “nonverbal solicitation signals.” Further, the researchers defined these solicitation signals as “a movement of body part(s) or whole body that resulted in male attention, operationally defined, within 15 seconds following the behavior” (Moore, 1985). Male attention was further defined as a man approaching the woman, talking to her, asking her to dance, or even (in a few instances) kissing her.