Just like you, I’m frustrated that all the books, resources and courses out there on body language focus on exactly the wrong thing: what a facial expression or a gesture means in isolation. That’s not how it works – our body parts work in harmony to create an overall message.
Unless we are desperate, beyond horny or just downright bored, we women won’t make it easy for you to catch us. It’s bad enough that men think wooing women is completely pointless so whether we are at a coffee shop, the library, a soccer game or at a bar, we like to know that you’re paying attention and making the effort to take note of our signals and cues.
If she is interested, she will tend to subconsciously lean her body towards you. For example, she would try to put her face on one or both hands and lean towards you while she’s listening. It is a scientific fact that all of us would tend to gravitate towards those we are comfortable with and attracted to most of the time.
A woman who is interested in a man might do things like playfully grab his arm, poke him, bump into him or touch his chest, shoulder or leg. There are many possibilities here. The girl in question will look for any excuse to touch you.
Of course, gaining that fluency will take practice. In the meantime, rather than trying to adhere to a long mental checklist of powerful poses, Gruenfeld recommends picking one or two nonverbal techniques to focus on. For example, keeping your elbows on the arms of your chair (rather than against your sides); making direct and sustained eye contact; or using a lower, more authoritative voice. If you can do one or two of those things consistently, she says, “the rest of your psychology will catch up.”
For example, if you are standing across a room from a woman that you’re interested in and your eyes meet, notice if she holds eye-contact for more than a few seconds. If she looks away immediately the chances are she’s either shy or not really interested. But if she holds steady eye-contact for more than two or three seconds, you can definitely take that as an invitation to approach. And if she locks eyes with you more than once, she’s practically screaming for you to get over there and talk to her.
This signal is about interest and focus. By turning the knees and legs towards a man, a woman is using female body language to indicate the person in which she is currently interested – thus creating a personal space triangle. The outer legs also present a barrier to others who may intrude. Translated, this signal means: “You are the person I am focusing on.” Legs and knees that point away are a bad sign – particularly if the knees are aiming at a door. In a sense they become a barrier to the nearby person and an invitation to others. The more leg exposed the more sexual the signal.
Although we tend to give our brains all the credit for directing our thoughts, studies suggest that in fact, we use our bodies to think, too. Even seemingly trivial movements and sensations influence how we behave. Reaching upward, for instance, has been shown to make it easier for a person to recall happy memories, while reaching downward draws negative memories to mind. Reclining—a position that physically stifles a “fight or flight” reaction—helps us temper angry emotions. Holding a warm cup of coffee makes us feel more warmly toward others. Perching on a hard chair leads to tougher negotiating. Even fleeting changes in our own facial expressions—some so subtle they’re detectable only by recording the electrical impulses in muscle cells—provide crucial feedback to the brain: One study found that subjects who received Botox treatments that blocked their ability to mimic emotional expressions were subsequently poorer at recognizing others’ emotions.
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Be careful about misinterpreting when a woman is flirting with you. If you’re unsure of the signals, consider the setting, recommend researchers at the Social Issues Research Center. For example, the funeral of a woman’s husband is an inappropriate setting for flirting–so don’t interpret the widow’s need for solace as flirting.
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What do these barriers look like? They could be anything. A woman crossing her arms or holding a something across her chest (a drink, bag, book, etc) are all forms of barriers. If you’re sitting across the table from a woman she may move her water glass directly between you to construct a barrier, or place it to the side to remove it. If she’s sitting she can create a barrier by crossing her legs away from you, or open up to you by crossing her legs in your direction.
You can imagine a woman might seductively remove her long hair by bringing it over to one side, or twisting it around a finger then flex it to the side flashing her neck. She might tilt her head to the side by dropping her head and bring her hand up to carefully stroke and caress the skin on her neck just lightly, so as to draw a man’s eyes on her. In more overt cases, woman can even display sexually by coming so close that the neck invites a kiss.
The reason for this is that positive action taken will reap far greater rewards in a practical sense than battling to understand theories. Especially the kind that will, for the most part, get you nowhere fast!
Wrist Display: There are certain vulnerable spots in our bodies due to their fragility or delicacy that we tend to protect: our neck, throat and wrist being some of them. Most people if you observe, usually walk with their wrists facing the sides of their body as a way of protection, however, if you observe some people with mental illnesses such as schizophrenia sufferers, they will walk with their palms and wrists facing backwards as an additional protection. Plenty of over-the-top gay men use the wrist display constantly even walking around with it as an attempt to look effeminate. When women are interested in men they will slowly start showing him glimpses of their wrists and the more they like them the longer the glimpses will last – this is why the wrist has always been considered a highly erotic area as women have more nerve receptors there making it more sensitive, which is where applying perfume on the wrists comes from. There are a variety of ways women choose to expose their wrists, from touching their wrists themselves (Touch Me, Myself & I technique), to putting their wrists on the table in front of a male, as well as the popular wrist exposure that comes with women smokers who do it quite obviously.
The female persuasion has worked on many a man since the beginning of time. Just ask Adam. Little girls learn early how to get the attention of little boys by doing things like twirling their ponytails and dropping their school books. So it comes as no surprise that a grown woman is good at using body signals to let a man know she’s definitely interested. Words don’t need to be spoken when a woman has identified the object of her affection. She just uses what she has to get what — or who — she wants. Here are a few examples of how women express their interest in the person whom she has her eyes set on:
This is one of the sought-after signals by men from women. This can be a deliberate action from her, but could also be just a casual, meaningless gesture. Therefore, before you take it as a good sign, you need to assess further. She is probably interested if she does this while listening or thinking so your attention will be transfixed to her lips. Observe more and wait to see is she licks her lips. If she does, then your hunch is confirmed. Lip licking is not just a subconscious gesture to make you notice her lips. Remember that a woman’s mouth also becomes dry when she is feeling excited and aroused.
#12 Pushes her chest out. You know the saying, “If you got it, flaunt it”? Well, women know that men can’t resist it when they show off their boobs, so if you catch her pushing her chest out and drawing attention to her assets, you should take it as a sign that she’s interested. [Read: 13 horny signs of attraction to watch out for]
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From another perspective, many men are not very good at picking up and correctly interpreting subtle signals of female body language, especially if it was very subtle. They generally have 10 to 20 times more testosterone than women and they may mistake friendly smiles for sexual interest. In addition to that, many ladies like to send contradicting signals even when they are interested. This lets them gain some time to evaluate the men. Due to this conflicting information, some men will get confused and won’t make their approach at all, regardless of what signals are being sent out.
Watch her face. Women’s faces tend to be more animated when they’re interested in you. Pay attention to her eyebrows, lips, and eyes to see how she reacts to the things you have to say. Here a few things to keep your peeled for:
Attraction comes in a lot of subtle forms. As a man, it’s your job to recognize these attraction signs so that you enjoy them for their own sake, but also so you can celebrate and escalate. Men who miss out on attraction signs will miss a lot of opportunities to connect with women they’re interested in.
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So, look at woman’s overall personality. Then add up the different signals she’s sending you. What she says and what she does. That will give you a totality; a true picture of whether she’s interested in you, or not. As well as, hopefully why she’s interested in you — whether for a one night stand, to get something from you, or to date you.
Love signals through body language are often tough to interpret. For instance, if she’s staring into your eyes and hanging on your every word, does it mean she’s romantically interested in you? Perhaps, but it may just she’s a good listener and you’re a good talker.
The old brain (i.e. the limbic system) is what controls our bodily systems such as heart rate, perspiration, and breathing. Just be aware that as he approaches you his limbic system will be running wild because of his ancient ancestors’ experiences!
A woman who doesn’t enjoy your company is unlikely to be into you, whereas one who does is likely to be, whether as a friend, or more. The easiest way of showing we like someone’s company is to smile. Of course it depends on what topics we talk to someone about (deep revealing details about your terrible childhood probably won’t make her smile, while great jokes will make her smile whether she’s attracted to you or not!), but smiling tends to happen naturally when we speak to someone whose company we enjoy.
It can be difficult at times to discern if a woman really likes you or not. Is she actually attracted to you, or is she just being polite? Most single men would like to find out before they make a fool of themselves. One of the best ways to determine this is through the body language of women.
Other signs to look out for: Look out for the feet pointing interest signal, where a person might be standing sideways because they don’t want to appear blunt by standing right in front of another person, but the lead foot, or both feet of the guy, will be pointing towards the person that is attracting their attention the most or has captivated their interest. Observe whether the man has large large pupils, whether he is doing the “Superman” or “Package” pose, and/or whether he sucks in his gut. Also observe whether he starts preening himself by fixing his hair, tie, collar or socks, if he tilts his head sideways to appear friendly and non dominant, if he begins mirroring you by copying your body language or asking what you’re going to eat to order the same – as well as if he is constantly looking at your mouth (this can be a sign of interest in kissing). He may also stop slouching to appear taller not only because he wants to appear larger but when men or women are interested in something/someone or are happy, their backs will straighten upwards. When we slouch however, this is a display of boredom or feeling down (notice how many depressive people tend to walk slouching).
Clearly would not work because other women do not do them and they are not on TV. Or maybe they do work and other women would just call you a tramp. Either way, always make him work for you. Never let him think he is an equal.
She wants to make herself look more attractive to you. The girl in question might be nervous and wants to make sure she looks good for you. Then again, she might know she looks good but wants to draw attention to the area she’s “fixing.”
“Sorry!” I called out to my teammates during our weekly soccer game, after making a solid pass to an opposing player. A few minutes later, I was sorry again, for taking a weak shot on goal. And I was sorry once more when I let a player from the other team sidestep me to score against us.
Gravity-defying gestures can be seen in multiple parts of the body. For instance, one common body language example of a gravity-defying gesture is the eyebrow flash. If a girl is excited her eyebrows will automatically shoot up for a brief instant (you often see this when someone is surprised/happy to see you).
Most female sexual signals have some component that is rooted in appearing submissive. By displaying in a certain way, a woman is telling men that she is willing to head to a man’s dominance. Others signals are designed to showcase the physical assets of a woman, primarily her youth and health. The final category includes cues that indicate approach is permitted and encouraged. These are the cues that draw men in and give them permission to court.
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